Act. Reflect. Repeat.

O Son of Being!

Bring thyself to account each day ere thou art summoned to a reckoning; for death, unheralded, shall come upon thee and thou shalt be called to give account for thy deeds. Baha’u'llah

Last Thursday marked the one year point in my term of service in Haifa, Israel, many people in my orientation have since left, disappearing as if in a dream.  I’ve been reflecting a lot on the things I’ve learned here, mainly in my journal dubbed the “little black book” by a friend of mine.  Since I’m free to write whatever I want on paper, I find it a little more challenging lately to figure out what to write here.  I get stuck feeling as if I’ve already said what needed to be said and because of that, I take more time thinking about what to report in the public sphere.  My conception of time continues to be hypothetical at best which leads me to the conclusion that I will never figure it out.  Time alone is not what matters but rather how it’s being spent.  We always say we need more but were we to receive it we still wouldn’t be satisfied.  Everyday there’s something so I try to catch spare moments here and there to cross off the things on my what-I wish-I-were-doing list.

Taking yourself to account is one of those ways to gauge the quality of what you do.  No matter how much time you’re given there’s still opportunity for pushing yourself a little bit further in terms of things you can get done or, even better, increasing the meaning and sincerity in your interactions with others.  A friend of mine was talking to me recently about her frustration with how people relate to each other.  Personally, I consider myself  in the independent category and favour myself in that light than desiring to be around large groups of people.  I feel satisfied with just being in my space and observing others.  However, it seems that for the demands of the world it seems as if this attitude is not enough.

To live and engage with society means being able to build a sense of community in a more substantial way than merely occupying the same physical space as another.  What does it mean for someone like myself?  It is realizing that creating a greater sense of community entails sacrificing personal preferences and putting things like selective conversations or a need to play roles that feel more “natural” aside.  Granted, there’s nothing wrong with having a unique mode of expression or taking time for yourself to do what you like.  The important part is balance, tending to both your needs as an individual and of one living in society.

Little things matter.  I do my best to smile at others when passing even if I don’t know them or at least say hello, but there’s always more that could be done.  I guess this is one of the reasons why reflection and meditation at some point in the day is important.  I think I’ve come a long way since a year ago, though I feel like I won’t really get a sense until I travel outside of Israel to give myself more of a comparison.  I plan on taking a vacation after I go on Pilgrimage the end of November, where that will be is still up in the air but at this point it will probably be Spain or somewhere thereabouts.  In the meantime, I press on, continuing to look for opportunities to expand my understanding.

Act. Reflect. Repeat.